A small bit of guilt

A lot has been going on lately. October went by in a blur and November is proving the same. I know I have been busy lately but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I am sitting here writing this because my family (the original one – not my family in Atlanta) always seems to make me feel guilty that I work all the time, never write and so forth.

I’m sure you all know how that feels. Families can just lather on the guilt until no tomorrow.

This is the same family that I went home and visited at least twice a year until the age of 35. When I did go home there was a greeting then things went back to the way they were. Gossip about the neighbors up the road whom I had no idea anymore who they were. Gossip about the kids of the neighbors up the road that graduated 20 years behind me and I’m constantly asked “Did you graduate together?” Uh – no, they graduated from high school when I graduated from COLLEGE. No questions of how are you, what have you been doing, are you seeing anyone, or what do you actually do in your job? How was your trip to Switzerland/Paris/London/Florida? Nothing. No matter how long I have been away it’s always like this.

My family still thinks that I own a Harley Davidson motorcycle.

I have cousins who are gay who live with their significant others, we are all totally out to the family and I guess in a way that is cool. But, again, the cousins act the same as the elders – nothing about anything is talked about except the same old small town shit. No one wants to hear about my recent trips, or what I do or anything. They do ask where my gf is and I say that she didn’t come. Why should I ask her to make a trip to be another wallflower like myself? I love her and would not subject her to that. But all I ever hear is “You should come home more often. You should write more often.”
When none of them have ever been down to see me or return my emails.

So, please tell me why should I feel guilty if I don’t send emails consistently?

Please tell me why I should feel guilty that I haven’t gone home for Christmas since my mother died, my grandmother died and my sister moved to Europe?

Please tell me why I should feel guilty that I have a life - a life that my BLOOD relatives care nothing about?

Please.

Tell.

Me.