Online musings of everyday life....

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Trinity's 10 Fashion Faux Pas

As promised I have compiled a list of things that make me cringe when I see them.

#1 The macramé vest. This was once adorned by a potential date when I was in college. Upon ringing the doorbell my date had one of these on over her oxford shirt. The evening could not have gone longer. Needless to say that was the first and last date! So ladies, if you want to impress your date leave the macramé in the closet and save for wearing to Granny’s house – she’ll probably appreciate it more and probably even made it for you!

#2 The macramé beer can hat. (or any macramé ANYTHING for that matter) which should never be worn in conjunction with the macramé vest!

#3 Minnie Mouse shoes. These are shoes that are usually flat soled, with a rounded toe that has a bow on the top.

This picture actually shows two faux pas at once – Minnie shoes that are LEOPARD skin. Anything Leopard skin in my book is a faux pas. This shoe is actually just as bad – WHITE Minnie shoes. (I'm having prom and bridesmaid flashbacks here) Any white shoe unless it is an athletic shoe is faux pas in my book, too. (And, notably, athletic shoes should only be worn when doing athletics!)

#4 While we are on the subject of white: White pants. I know, I know – summertime it’s ok for some. Notice I said “for some”. (Recently, gf tried to get me into some white linen pants for the beach wedding we are attending and I wouldn’t do it. It goes against my personal grain. I finally compromised with off-white linen.) This picture shows a multitude of faux pas – white capri pants with high-water flip-flops. Capri pants - I know it seems so easy- but no. Pants or shorts - pick one but not both.

#5 Bib overalls – especially on women! And, again, maybe this is just my farm upbringing talking to me. I know this woman in the picture looks like she is doing some sort of work

but, ladies, I don’t care if you’re changing a light bulb or building a house– do not wear these! Old jeans are just as good! Gina didn't need bibs in "Bound" so you don't either!

#6 Sweatpants – like athletic shoes they should only be worn at the gym or while doing athletics. One leniency – if you happen to stop in at Starbucks or pick up lunch on the way back from the gym – ok. But no lingering around public places in these things!

#7 Teenage girls and women walking around with their midriffs showing. Most of the time they do not look like this:

90% of the time they look like they poured themselves into these tight jeans that have a 2” inseam and they have their “handles” hanging over all sides. Not to mention they are half naked! (I would NEVER let my teenage daughter leave the house in something like this!)

#8 Nose rings. Yeah, I think the farm upbringing definitely has something to do with some of these because every time I see a nose ring I have farm-flashbacks of putting rings in the noses of the pigs to keep them from rutting under the fences and getting out!
Notice the resemblance of the two.

#9 Pants that hang down. Every time I see pants like these I want to go up and yank them down – they’re just asking for it! This kid is sitting down because he knows that if he stands up his jeans will fall down. He's sitting there thinking "Dude! Who stole my belt?"

#10 Anything hippy (notice these girls are wearing fashion faux pas 1-2?)

Patchouli – when I smell this all I can think of is unwashed bodies, hairy armpits or lack of any hygiene whatsoever. Tie dyed shirts. Ok, Gerry Garcia, may he rest in peace, has moved on – these things need to move on as well.

These are just my top ten. Agree or disagree? What are yours?


Blogger r.d. said...

Oh shit, this could be long. Man, you should NOT have gotten me started, although it doesn't take much. Here goes:
The vest thing? what's worse for me is 'shrugs' made out of macrame. I HATE shrugs on anyone- I don't get the purpose and they never look good.

The shoe issue...yeah,what the fuck is up with women wearing those little flat things. They're like slippers. And I always see them on women with heavy legs? and large torsos- What? BUY SOME SHOES!! You look odd and unbalanced. Athletic shoes on anyone not doing athletics is a huge one, and I'll add to that- the athletic look as evening attire? I know you're just drinking beer but why athletic wear? You look funny so either go to the gym or yoga class or CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES before you go out.

I go so far as to say no shorts even. Pants only. Shorts on most women look odd.(unless they are on the beach or it's 110 degrees and it's been 110 degrees for the past 15 days. then I allow.) You can't dress them up and they usually wear them with those minnie mouse shoes or "sneakers"- wrong. The less skin the better. How about tall, large women with 'cargo' capris! Now that's just funny.

O.k., I gotta skip #5 to get to #6. # 6 is all I ever talk about. I intend to dedicate an entire post to this one someday. NO sweatpants ever outside the house- anywhere. Unless they are adidas type and you need to get the take out or coffee. The loose grey ones?... I can't even...

Low pants, high shirts, big stomachs, lots of flesh showing... I can't stand it and it makes me sick to see it on so many young people.

I gotta say though I do wear patchouli... I've always loved the smell when I've smelled it on others and it reminds me of dirt. Not dirty dirt but like earth dirt, clean, fresh, natural earth dirt. But that's just me. I can't stand perfume smells or flowery smells or body spray smells. Whatever-

Tye died shirts need to be abolished. People need to stop making them in their basements. It's a very bad look especially on older bald men with a big belly.

Thank you for your top 10. Excellent- I got more... later.

8:32 PM

Blogger afuntanilla said...

hey! i love patchuli and used to wear it a lot. not sure why i don't anymore.
regarding the low hanging pants; i read a news item where the robber was one of those people wearing this kind of clothing and the cops were able to catch him because he couldn't run fast cracked me up!

8:18 AM

Blogger Trinity2 said...

Good comments both of you!
r.d. - I can't wait to read your sweatpant post!

Afunt - I read that post, too, about the pants and the cops -I agree - it was hilarious!

8:37 AM

Blogger Maggie said...

Mine is socks and sandals. I have a contractor that comes into the office to pull permits in his Jerusalem Cruisers and black socks. I put up a sign, I just couldn't face those things anymore.
Polyester shorts - it just needs to go.
'Wife Beater Shirts' on fat men - nothing else needs to be said.

9:43 AM

Blogger Kelly said...

So many fashion crimes, so little time...

On my mind today is the idea of flip-flops as apprpriate for work or in the case of that women's lacrosse team, meeting the President.

Who are these people? Were they raised by idiots?

I just don't know sometimes.

10:29 PM

Blogger Claire said...

I just read "Jerusalem Cruisers" and haven't been able to speak for laughing for about fifteen minutes.

What a great post. Jesus, your blog is good.

Macrame was never cool. Everyone please stop wearing it immediately. Cool? Great. Next...

Minnie Mouse shoes or ballet flats - no. No, no, no. Comfortable? Maybe. Are you a ballerina or a giant Disney character? Nope? Take them off, then, please.

White pants - well, I don't have any, but capri pants - I have been guilty of these lately. I do try and buy them from good designers, though. And I'm generally against jean capris.

Overalls? No. Sorry, these, along with suspenders on women with dress pants, will just have to be an embarassing mid-ninties black mark on our collective soul. Never to be relived.

Non-sequiter - Gina Gershon in Bound was so f*cking hot.

Sweatpants. Way to tell your companion you really, really don't care about them in any way anymore.

Midriff - caught again. But nothing really expansive - more like it would be a cowl neck tank that ended a few inches above my pants - but sure, I'll take this one on the chin. I'm probably getting too old for it.

Noserings and pants that hang down - bleagh. One seems crusty and the other just sloppy. Crusty and sloppy are words you don't want to apply to your date.

Hippy stuff - not really. I have a shirt or two that are borderline boho.

Patchouli - This just says "I need a strong smell to cover up my own" or "I need a strong smell to cover up the big fat joint I just smoked." But I agree with RD that it can be nice on nice people. :)

8:54 PM


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