I've got your romance right here!

Storm Indigo has a good post on what is romance that got me thinking. I would like to say that in the past I have been the queen of romance.

“Oh, really” you say? I’ll prove it.

Proposing on the top of the Empire State Building. Taking lovers to Chicago, the beach and New York. Showing up with flowers and offering to cut them and put them in a vase. Showing up in the rain on a gf’s birthday with hot Starbucks coffee and croissant. (To which she kicked me off her porch and asked me to leave because she was still bummed about being turned down for a position OUT OF STATE and needed to be alone – yes, just a glimpse of “25 telltale signs”) Arranging the first flying lesson on the birthday of a gf who wanted to learn how to fly (and me puking in the back of the plane). Getting front row tickets to a sold out concert for another gf. Not to mention the numerous meals I have cooked, fine wines I have uncorked and music I have played. Yeah, I’ve done it all, sista’s.

But where has it ever gotten me?

I have found that the more I do the more they want. Until finally I am giving so much that I have nothing left for myself. When I get to that point and I say I cannot give anymore I have had gf’s fly into a rage because they have come to expect those things from me.

How dare I stop giving all the time and expect anything in return!

That is the story of my life. I always give too much. I always give in to what they want to do and never voice what I want. That is a problem with me and I know that and am working on it.

Unfortunately, I call it working on my inner asshole.

Right now I am going through a real selfish and honest stage. Which, I feel is fine. I need this stage of my life. Those around me might find me abrupt but they will always get honesty.

The first stage of it happened about a month ago at country bar. I think it was a tequila and list’s night and we were out in full force. We were hanging out and a few women were near us hanging out as well. One was older and not my type and the other was about my age, tall blonde and attractive. The older one came up to me and asked me for my phone number and email address. (the nerve) I told her no that I do not give those out to strangers. Later that night she sent her attractive friend up to ask me and I told her no as well. I mean, come on – she would have just given it to her friend. I may be a blonde but I’m not stupid.

Fast forward to last Saturday dancing with my friends. We are in a mosh pit on the dance floor all squeezed in dancing and the music is so loud I have earplugs in just to protect my ears from blowing out. When the tall blonde from before comes by and says “Oh hi! Good to see you again” Like this is the place for introductions?? I take my earplug out and shout “WHAT?” She then asks me for my email address. I said (shouted) “What for?” and she said “For my friend” and I again said “NO!”(I was actually trying to shout then) I mean, my Goddess! How much of an asshole do I need to be anyway? I told her if it was for her I would give it to her but not for her friend. She turned around and walked off the dance floor after that. Oh well. I can’t believe the nerve of some people.

That’s just it. Why can’t the romance be extended to me?

Sometimes I feel like I am the only romantic lesbian on the earth. That I’m the only one that gets this shit. Well, I’m sick of it, I tell you! The next woman needs to roll with me – not against me.

And, because of my life being hectic right now with work, boot camp and teaching she needs to be flexible and compliment my schedule not work against it. It’s not like I haven’t been getting invitations but they have all been going out to bars, restaurants and parties when I am not drinking right now and am watching what I eat. Why can’t anyone be like “I found this healthy recipe that I would like to make you so come over for dinner.” Or “Can I buy you a cup of coffee?” or even “This restaurant has healthy alternatives – I’d like to take you out one night for all your hard work.”

When it comes to those things – all the women I have come across wouldn’t have a clue as to suggesting these things. In fact, I think the next person that wants to go out their required reading will be this and this AND let's not forget this.

If they can get through those then we'll talk.