Stay Safe

It was Wednesday and I was at work sitting in front of my computer trying to figure out this Auto Cad drawing when my blackberry vibrates. It’s afuntanilla telling me to call her at work. “Uh-Oh – something must be going on with my stocks”, I thought as I dialed her number. When she answered she said “Have you seen the paper?” I never read the local rag so, no, I hadn’t. I immediately went to the AJC online and saw that a woman went missing on the Silver Comet Trail and was eventually found Wednesday morning. ‘nilla sounded shook up over the phone. I know that she goes to this trail frequently and I have even ran it once or twice with her. We talked about how tragic this is and about being afraid to go on the trail now that this has happened.

It brings tears to my eyes to write about this and think about what this woman’s family must be going through right now. It also brings rage that this happened. I think the person who did this should be hung up by a hook and have his balls cut off and fed to him. It makes me very angry with men in general. You don’t see women doing crimes like this!

I called my cop friend that I dated briefly. I wanted to know if she had heard anything about it and what her take on it was. Although, she is a cop and is required to carry a gun she says that she always takes it with her on the trail. I know that ‘nilla mentioned getting a gun to take with her on the trail. (I am still trying to picture her pulling up her nike shorts every 3 seconds because of a gun weighing it down ;-) We talked about how because it is a paved trail and so well maintained and lit that people get a false sense of safety on it. I can agree with that.

Is resorting to firearms the answer?

Even though I grew up with guns on the farm, knew where EVERY ONE of my Dad’s guns were, where the bullets were kept and how to shoot them, I have never had a desire since to actually own a gun. I always felt guns brought on drama. If you have it you will eventually shoot someone or something. I studied martial arts for 6 years. Because of things being instilled into me those 6 years I know some of the signs to look for. However, we could all use a little brush up on self-defense and tips to stay safe. So, here they are:

*Stomp on an attackers foot with your heel. Use all of your weight and stomp with as great a force as possible.

*Kick an attacker in the shins with your whole foot. Push hard with as great a force as possible being careful to maintain your balance so that you do not fall over.

*Gouge at an attackers eyes with your thumbs or fingers. Push hard. Use great force. If you are strong or if your attacker is the same size or smaller than you use this same technique on the hollow of the neck (just below the Adam's Apple area in men).

*If an attacker has you from behind use the foot stomping technique described above AND bang the back of your head into their face/nose as hard as possible. Lean your head forward as you stomp and then with as much speed as possible smack their face with the back of your head.

*If you're attacker has their hands around your neck do not try to pull them away at the hands (as your instincts would lead you to do) instead put your arms in between their arms and with as much strength as you can muster hit out their elbows, at the same time turn your body and head in your strongest direction (left if you are left handed, right if you are right handed). Stomping on their foot or kicking at the shin while doing this can add impact and help you get away faster. As soon as the grip is loosened be ready to take a deep breath - if you don't get away the first time try again, the extra breath will give you more fighting energy.

*If you carry a personal alarm, pull it as soon as the attack begins and put it right up against the ear of your attacker. If you don't have an alarm, scream as loud as you can directly into your attackers ear. (This is a strategy you should only use if the attacker has you pinned on the ground or against a wall and if their head is close to you).

*If they are covering your mouth with their hand lick the palm of their hand (most people recoil from this instinctively) if that fails, bite - bite hard.

*It takes more energy for an attacker to recover from a miss than it does to recover from a hit. If at all possible duck and dodge any advances by your attacker.

*If you are on the ground and are able to break free push at your attacker with your feet to put distance between you. Kick at their hands, head and face as you push away from them. When they are distracted stand up and run.

*Never plan to fight an attacker and win; do only what it takes to get away from them.

For more tips go to this site.

Have a great weekend, everyone! Be safe!

Dreams, Goals, Aspirations

Everyone seems to be having a bad few days so I am going to write something that I hope will be a pick-me-up.

My friend and I were at the Vortex the other night discussing his wife’s book being up for a few awards. This is very great news as this is her first book and she has done very well! I started thinking about my own book I have been working on for several years. In fact, embarrassingly, for too long! I started off great and got mid-way through Part II and lost steam. Where were my characters going? What the heck were they doing? What was my initial direction? Funny, these often are questions I ask myself in daily life.

Sometimes it takes another person or something happening in life to really inspire one to do something. Whether it’s encouragement, advice (whether it’s well heeded or not) and direction. In my case, my friend’s wife really inspired me to pick up the book again and start writing. Just opening “book” on my laptop made my pulse speed up a bit. I was back in Indiana cruising around Purdue campus taking notes for my book, going to the places my characters would soon be going in my book, interviewing a police officer from Lebanon (official with even a tape recorder) doing my research. I was walking through Little Five Points scoping out where one of my characters apartment would be. I felt like Truman Capote! (Well, maybe not that great but you know what I mean!)

Ok, so now to set some goals! I need to read all the reference material my friend’s wife was so kind to loan me. I also need a solid outline and not the chicken scratching notes I have been doing. I need to find that tape recorder of the conversation with the police officer in Indiana and listen to it again just to make sure I didn’t miss anything. Also, when will this book be done? I need to give myself a deadline like in real-life if I were working for an editor or something. I think I will give it January 1st, 2007.

Now that I have these goals set it gets me closer to my dream (or at least one of them). Which is to write. Not necessarily for a primary living (let’s go slow, here) but eventually it would be nice to have a cabin in the mountains where I could go away in peace and write for weeks at a time. Or go off on a research trip to Spain. E

ven if it did become a primary living, relocating to the beach – forever.

What are your dreams, goals or aspirations?

Super Heroine

Friday started off to be a good day. It was Friday, of course, I was looking forward to a relaxing weekend and I was a little bit tired and hung over from dancing the night away at Hoedowns the night before. (Mistake #1)

I roll into my office with Dunkin’ Donuts coffee in hand and a sausage/cheese/egg croissant. It doesn’t get any better than that. (Misconception #1)

I had been working on a landscape plan for my boss the past two days and was almost finished. (Misconception #2) I had only to finish the drawing, run it through our scanner, turn it into a PDF file and email it to the client.

Once finished, I thought that the rest of the day was going to be a breeze. (Misconception #3). Shortly thereafter I get a very angry phone call from the client. I had been forewarned of this particular client being a real ball buster but I don’t have any balls so I thought I could handle it. The client was yelling at me over the phone that this is NOT what she had asked for. I had also been forewarned that we had sent her almost everything in the book and which, she always rejected and had also (interestingly enough) never paid us for any of the work. I basically told her (politely) that I knew nothing of what she needed (which is true), that I was only doing what I was told to do and that she needed to speak to my bosses about her concerns. She then demanded that I get them on the phone. Fine. I go into my boss’s office and told him that I had this lunatic on the phone and he said to stall her until we could get the big boss on the phone with her as well because there are contractual issues (meaning, we’re tired of working for free!) So, I get back on the phone and inform her that both bosses were unavailable at the moment and I would be sure to give them the message to call her. She went ballistic again and I cut her off and repeated what I said before and hung up. SHEESH! Can we say anger management, here?

I decided to run out to the bank and deposit a check and cut through my boss’s office to tell him what transpired but he was on the phone and I didn’t want to disturb him. I had decided to skip lunch that day and work straight through and get out a little early. (Mistake #2 because I do not do well skipping meals) Once back at the office I noticed my boss was gone and took his laptop – a good sign that he wasn’t returning for the day. Suddenly, my blackberry starts vibrating off my hip. I pull it out and look at my emails and there are 4 (count ‘em) emails from this client. Two of the emails are her demanding (all in caps, I might add) that we get her a plan by the end of the day or else and we are jeopardizing the whole project blah, blah, blah. The next two emails are her returning my previous emails sending her the drawing. (I’ve never had anyone reject my emails before.) “This lady is nuts”, I think. So, this is where I am torn. I noticed that she copied both my bosses on the emails and it was a good sign that they both wouldn’t see the messages until Monday as they are very busy people who sometimes don’t get to their emails for a few days. I could either, A. just not do anything until further directed. Or B. see if I could go find big boss and figure out the mystery behind what this woman actually wants. Being a Super Heroine – I decided on B (Mistake #3!!!)

Long story short, big boss and I decide to send her another drawing which I had to track down the cad guy, then, the computer guys to put it on the FTP site and email this woman the link. Satisfied that we tried to appease her with another drawing and it was quite possible that it would take her all weekend to review it. (Misconception #4!!) By this time my head is pounding from no lunch and hang over. Since one of my bosses isn’t coming back that day and I had worked through lunch I decided to cut out early. I get in the car and merge onto the highway hoping for no traffic and my blackberry rings. It’s my friend D wanting to know if I can come over and help her move this couch she just had delivered. –Sigh- I just remembered drunkenly agreeing to help her with this the night before dancing. So, I exit the highway only to be stuck in traffic. Great. By the time I get her condo I am sweating and my head is pounding even more. And, the couch is a hide-a-bed. Have you ever moved a hide-a-bed? They have the weight of a large caribou!

An hour later with a sore back and possible hernia, I get into my car to start home. I merge onto the highway and traffic is stopped. –Sigh – it never ends.

I manage to get to my exit and decide to stop off at my old office to drop off my friend, J’s camera. I walk into his office and he has his head in his hands. What’s wrong? Just as he launches into being stood up on a date I said “You know what? Let’s go have a drink. I only have time for one. (Mistake #4) So, a Guinness later, headache and heartache subsided I rush off to the farmers market to get dinner. Why I did this, I don't know. I could have simply told gf that I wasn’t up to dinner tonight and that I was simply going to grab a slice and stay home. I rush home from the market, take a shower and rush over to gf’s. She’s on the couch watching the Tour (which annoys me to no end – long story) and not even making a move to get up and help me get groceries out of the car which includes two bottles of good wine that I bought especially for her. I shrug and take the stuff into the kitchen. It is then, that she asks if I need help and I say no that I have already gotten it. She then comes in and asks if it’s ok if I make dinner b/c she has cramps and wants to watch The (Freaking) Tour. I look at 2 pounds of shrimp to deveine, vegetables to cut along with lighting the grill and I loose it. - a fight ensued and I left without eating the shrimp. (Mistake #....I’ve lost count by now – NEVER leave BEFORE eating the shrimp! Hold all arguments and serious discussions for AFTER dinner, sex, drinks and so forth.)

Once out the door my blackberry vibrates. It’s an email from crazy woman screaming in all caps again that she cannot open the drawing and to send a PDF immediately. Of course....

Morale to this story: do not think for one minute you can be f-ing Super Heroine to everyone! Do not skip lunch and most of all – don’t agree to move LARGE CARIBOU!!

And, I should have just stayed at the bar with J and crawled home several Guinness’s later. I would have felt a whole lot better taking that damn cape off and getting drunk!

Top 10 motorcycle button-pushers

(disclaimer: Trinity ALWAYS wears her helmet unless doing a sexy pose while the motorcycle is off!;-)

You know I couldn’t go too long without the top 10 things. Here's the top 10 that push my motorcycle buttons! (Claire - you might want to review these to spare yourself future lectures ;-)

The conversation goes just fine until one of the following is said:

1. I don’t wear a helmet. Helmets inhibit my freedom! Plus, I like to have the freedom of choice.
Ok, how is it that you would have any freedom if you wreck and are paralyzed from either the neck or waist down? Where is the freedom then?

2. I like to wear shorts when I ride because it’s so HOT outside.
How is it that burning your leg on a tail pipe or exposing your skin to wind, sun and the elements are going to keep you cool?

3. Harley Davidson’s are the BEST motorcycles!
No they aren’t. The have the highest maintenance records of any other motorcycle out there. Plus, their high price tags just aren’t worth the maintenance involved.

4. I only ride a cruiser because those “crotch rockets” are too hard to ride.
First of all, they are sport bikes NOT crotch rockets! And, all motorcycles take the same (good) technique to ride them. Differences are seat height, handlebar or clip-on reach, and horsepower. But, if you do not have the technique any bike is going to be hard to ride.

5. My mama calls them “Murder-cycles” and she hates them because her uncle, brother, son or cousin was killed on one.
Ok, I am very sorry to hear that, my condolences to the family. Just because someone that someone knows is killed on a motorcycle for whatever reason does not merit that the whole population of motorcycle riders are going to die riding one. With a little education one can lead a long life riding a motorcycle.

6. We took this really great ride in the mountains and toured all the wineries and for some reason Elna dropped/crashed/ran into something on her motorcycle that day.
Need I say more?

7. Loud pipes save lives.
No they dont. This was just a slogan from a pipe company in Texas. There is no data that supports this theory and most motorcycle accidents occur IN FRONT of the bike not behind - where the LOUD PIPE is located. Loud pipes only piss off cops and other motorists around them and give bikers a bad rap.

8. I never ride in the rain (or) I won’t ride in the rain. (I’m still trying to break gf of this one!)
If you live in Georgia and ride a motorcycle you WILL be caught in the rain and you better be ready for it!

9. Gloves inhibit my grip on the handlebars.
Actually, they don’t – they help with your grip if you have them fitted properly and protect your hands from the elements and in case of a fall.

(And last but certainly not least is one I absolutely abhor.)

10. I just HAD to lay-her down!
Ok, you NEVER have to lay-her down! (Unless, it’s sexual then I completely understand!) You use your BRAKES properly to slow your motorcycle DOWN or STOP prior to hitting or hopefully MISSING the obstacle. Wouldn’t it be better to be in control of your motorcycle instead of jumping ship and having the bike skidding out of control on the pavement with you? Again, take a class, man!

Hot Child in the City

“Hot child in the city
Hot child in the city
Runnin' wild and lookin' pretty
Yeah"

"Hot child in the city"

"Come on down to my place, baby
We'll talk about love
Come on down to my place, woman
We'll make love!"

"Hot child in the city
Hot child in the city"

"She's kinda dangerous"
"Hot child in the city”

It has just been a scorcher of a week (and, everywhere else, I hear)! I’ve had the top down on the convertible on the way in to work everyday and then it’s promptly put up and never let down again until the next morning because it’s so hot. Riding around in a convertible is not all it’s cracked up to be when it’s over 90 degrees outside. It makes one feel like this:

Because of the hot days we’ve had lately it has caused me to fantasize about the beach, swimming in a pool – hell, (and feeling like we’re at the gates of) even a tepid Chattahoochee river would do! Two of my friends are heading off to the beach this weekend for a weeklong stay in a house with a bunch of other friends. I am so envious of them right now I am totally hating.. well, that's a strong word - maybe just hoping a period starts or there's some sand chafing..

But, I was invited to go. Because I have just started a new job I felt it would be pushing it to ask for a week off only 4 months after my date of hire. (Yeah, that would look bad) In fact, I have had so many invitations to go to the beach since I started this job I could scream!

In the past when I was with the government and had a month off a year I would have been down there every time I was asked – I love the beach so much. But, career choices and income often take the place of my beach time these days. Because of the many invites and not being able to make the beach this year until the wedding in August, I often fantasize about selling my house, leaving this city and relocating somewhere close to a beach, ocean, hell (not there) any old body of water at this point would do. It’s thoughts like this that cause me to wonder would the quality of my life be better? Or would I have sold everything to pin it all on a dream that turned out not to be all that was cracked up to be.

If I had it everyday would I want it then?

That is the question. For now I stare out my office window (at least I have an office with a window) and look at my convertible burning up in the hot afternoon sun.

For Auto Maintenance Tips - Go to the Drive-in!

How was everyone’s Meekend? Mine was good! I managed to make it to Pete’s spin class Saturday morning despite my late night at the drive-in the night before. The drive-in was an experience. I won’t start ripping off 10 things NOT to do at a drive-in (you know I want to) but I will mention a few.

By the time my friends and I made it into the front gate of the place it was already dark outside and the movies had started. We decided to go to the last screen to take in the movies "Waist Deep" and "See No Evil". We parked, pulled out our lawn chairs and cooler and set up camp. While we're sitting there watching the movie, drinking beer and noshing on chips and salsa I notice that all around us people are working on their cars! One guy has his Range Rover pulled up and is jumping another guys Lexus. Then, an Explorer pulls up behind us and the radiator is steaming. He gets out to pop the hood and it looks like he is about to start unscrewing the cap. I am observing this as my friends are chatting away and I hop up and run over and said, “Looks like you’re having a radiator issue.” Just then, his girl, woman, lady, whatever pokes her head out the window and says “WE KNOW!” with hostility. I ignored her and told the guy that I just didn’t want him to get hurt trying to open up the radiator while it was steaming like that. He thanked me and went off to get some water. Ok, I’m just going to go back to my friends.

Ranting session #1: Why spend LOTS of money on a BIG suv with gold spinning rims if you DON’T PUT RADIATOR FLUID IN YOUR RADIATOR? And, why spend LOTS of money on that Lexus coupe with a chain license plate holder and HAVE TO BE JUMPED EVERYTIME YOU SHUT YOUR CAR OFF?

Anyway, back to the movie. La, la, la, la-la. Then, cars start cutting in and parking right in front of us and leaving them running with the windows rolled up and the air conditioning on the whole time the movies are going. My friends and I were starting to choke on exhaust fumes and finally D jumps up and asks the guy in front of us if he would be so kind to shut off his car because we’re practically dying of fumes back here. So, we managed to get one car shut off but we still had two others in front of us to contend with.

Ranting session #2:With the gas prices being the highest they have ever been and the drive-in movie costing just as much as going to a theater if you CAN'T WATCH A DRIVE-IN MOVIE WITHOUT RUNNING YOUR CAR AND THE AIRCONDITIONER THEN DON'T FREAKIN' GO TO THE DRIVE-IN! nuff said

So, despite the noise, fumes, and car maintenance going on all around us, my friends and I managed to have a good time catching up during the movies. And, I can’t even tell you what either of those movies were about except that the second one had this big wrestler-looking dude that kept chasing women in spike heels -that’s why they call them “serial-killer” heels because women ALWAYS have them on when they’re being chased by a serial killer. They always fall down and “get got”. You’d never see a lesbian in her sensible shoes get caught – that’s for sure!

The Weekend

I’m with Mandy – TGIFF! I have nothing new today – no top 10 inspirations, no budding secrets worth revealing. It’s just a Friday afternoon and I am chomping at the bit to get out of here [work].

Gf is off to NY for a conference and I am on my own this weekend, which, I must add “whew” a little relieved. We’ve been up each other’s since she got back from Africa, and then, last weekend I had a party and the floor is still sticky from the margaritas [at least I hope so]. So, I will be mopping up and vegg-ing out this weekend.

List of weekend things: (you know I’m good at lists)

1. Drive-in tonight with my three best friends (toads – more on that later)

2. (Depending on whether or not we make the 2nd movie tonight )Spin class on Sat. morning at the gym.

3. I have two movies in my cache to watch: Elizabethtown and Motorcycle Diaries (although, I probably will wait for Gf to return before I watch that one)

4. Working on a quantity take off planting plan for work – logging in about 6 hours to save back for friend’s wedding that I will need time off for.

5. Maybe if I am really on the ball I will get in a body pump class as well. (but, that’s pushing it)

Have a good one everybody!!

Secret Trailer Traits

I know we have talked about the things we love, hate and gets on our nerves but we haven’t talked about what those secret little “Trailer” things are that we like. Hey, even if you’re wearing a watch in the four figures and shop at Dolce & Gabbana I’m betting you still have a few little secretive things that you either do or like that’s just a little bit trailer. So, common – let’s have ‘em!

Here’s my top 10 (yes, and I do know how to count higher than 10!)

1. I like to eat cheese whiz out of the spray can (usually, when I am camping – when you camp all trailer bets are off!)

2. I will sometimes be caught in public with my red sox hat turned backwards with cargo (r.d.) shorts on – looking like a real 20 something redneck dyke.

3. Sometimes when I get really drunk I like to smoke cigarettes (Claire) – MUCH to Gf’s chagrin. (I am usually in the doghouse for weeks if she catches me at this)

4. Blaring AC/DC (usually Highway to Hell) on the Alpine system in the Explorer with the windows down.

5. Drink PBR beer out of the can – especially when I go to sleazy

6. Strip bar

7. I like to put koozies on my beer cans/bottles when I drink them. (afuntanilla knows this ;)

8. I have a chain wallet that I like to wear when I want to feel really tough (or really alarm Gf)

9. I have just a few motorcycle t-shirts in my wardrobe that have flames and skeletons on them.

10. I still count on my fingers. (To 10!)


Some of Gf’s are:

1. She likes to watch Extreme Fighting while she eats

2. Pimento cheese out of the plastic container on Doritos with Tabasco sauce

3. She has this Green Bay Packers sock hat that I cannot get her out of in the winter when they are playing

4. Her car is always dirty

5. Old t-shirts with the sleeves ripped off that she wears to the gym

I can only think of 5 for her. What are yours?

Wedding Bells

Yesterday, gf and I went out to the softball diamonds to mingle with the girls and watch a friend of ours game. One of my most recent ex’s actually played on the team so I know several of the teammates. Between games I walk up to a friend of mine and we talk for a bit about her new motorcycle and she says, “Did you hear about [ex gf] and [current gf]”? I said, “No” and she said “We’ll they’re getting married”.

Now some history on this

I can’t count how many years this has been (well, I can but I don’t want to) but within this decade, I assure you. I was in a serious relationship with a woman (imagine that). She moved in with me only after us dating for 6 months (which is very unusual for me as I don’t do roommates very well) and after another 6 months I proposed to her on our 1 year anniversary in New York – on the top of the Empire State Building, in fact. It was the whole nine yards. We were to get married in Hawaii fall of the next year. To make a (very) long story short, 2 months prior to the actual wedding (and after it was paid for) she left me for a “friend” of hers. And, (this is the best part) she took “the friend” with her to Hawaii. They didn’t get married, of course, but I was really practicing the voodoo dolls in the tub of sharks while they were gone. ("Time to come clean", right Maggie?)

Now that you know some history it makes paragraph 1 more meaningful

(back to conversation with friend) Me: “Well, if they actually make it to the wedding then I guess it is meant to be” and that was all I said on that subject. I went back to my lawn chair next to gf, decided it was a good time to crack open a cold beer and pretend to watch the game. Meanwhile, thoughts of Runaway Bride are flying through my head and I am wondering if this whole wedding business will stick this time.

Now another wedding story

Gf and I are planning on attending friends of ours wedding in August. When my friend (the one I am closest to in the couple) first told me that her and her gf were getting married I was a little shocked. (I managed to cover it up well by wishing the best and saying that I would be there)

I was shocked because I have always felt that their relationship was delicate and that from my experience there is nothing that will kill a relationship quicker as that of getting married or the pressure of getting married. But, I also know that was just my bad experience talking.

Why should something that has happened to me dictate other people’s happiness? And, weddings - is the relationship doomed before the cake is even cut?

Now, I am actually looking forward to going to the wedding and my excitement is even wearing off on gf. Even once burned I am still the hopeless romantic of ceremony. I still have dreams of the white Armani suit and the dance with the bride. I have never actually been to a same sex wedding, none of my friends have married before so this should be a new experience for me and gf.

I hope that my friends will be happy ever after. As far as the ex goes – well, if she can get over the bad wedding karma from the past then she, too, deserves to be happy ever after. Just don’t expect to get any wedding gifts from me! ;-)

Top 10 things that make me sick:

#1 The (very) wealthy – This is wealth beyond comprehension. The first time I ever saw wealth in this capacity was when I lived in southern cali for the summer with a gf. Review article on Details magazine “The New American Class System”. I mean, I feel quite comfortable – but after reading this article I feel like I am practically a pan handler compared to all these classes of wealth they list.

#2 When they list the hottest anything (looking person, bartender, job, reality show host, etc..) Why can’t they list the hottest engineering plan reviewer, Barista, Landscaper or SOMEONE THAT DOES A REALISTIC JOB! An everyday person that people could relate to....

#3 When they show pics of a white party, memorial day weekend, any gay event of all these good looking people partying and having fun. I think – why is it when I attend these events these people aren’t there? Or, that I missed out on something big..... or, I’m not cool enough....or, am I getting old......

#4 The L Word (plan to see quite a bit of future ranting on THIS show, believe me) ok some (notice I said some) of these girls aren’t HALF as good looking and talented as some of the chicks I know AND THEY ARE ON TV AND MAKING LOTS OF MONEY!

#5 The Apprentice – like above, THESE PEOPLE AREN’T HALF AS TALENTED as people I know AND THEY ARE ON TV!

#6 Someone who passes me on either this or in that on the highway.

#7 When I read articles in Architecture Magazine on touring some Hollywood type’s home that has the infinity pool that overlooks some ocean, custom kitchen and the 10 bathrooms with the garden tubs and marble showers. Especially, when they interview [said Hollywood type] and they say “This house was just a mess when I bought it – I had to [like they did it themselves] rip out most of the (pool, kitchen, bathrooms, garden house, driveway, botanical garden) and redo it!” Or “Yes, this house really. suits. me. It feels like. a. home.” OF COURSE IT DOES! YOU ARE RICH AND YOU LIVE IN A MANSION!

#8 Anyone who says they made millions in the “dot com” market and then “got out” and are now "just trying to find themselves".

#9 People that have a body like this

and gush "Oh, I.am.TRUELY.blessed! I eat whatever I want, never work out and never gain an ounce!" (I truely hate them)

#10 Blogs like this.

Happy Friday everyone! What's your top ten?

Rehab needed

(Warning: if the subject of motorcycles causes you to immediately fall asleep skip this post – unless you need to take a nap)

I’m like r.d. was over the 4th – cannot concentrate, loss of focus, do not want to be at work but all for a different reason. I took at class over the 4th and 5th of July. It was a Suzuki track class up at Road Atlanta with Kevin Schwantz. I spent 2 days with 27 other people flying around the track on a Suzuki GSX-R 600.

We had a pit crew, people working every corner of the track, video biker, photographer and video sessions in the classroom to help us get around the track better. In short – we were treated like motorcycle rock stars for two days. I never thought I’d ever be able to get around this track in one piece when I first arrived on Tuesday morning at 7:30. But, by 3:00 on Wednesday we were all showing our stuff on the track. Our speedometers were covered because they didn’t want us to focus on speed but corning, shifting and looking ahead, however, the rpm’s we were putting in showed over 150 mph on the back stretch and we were taking those turns like second nature! We all graduated crash-free and with honors! Getting into my car to come home last night I wanted to stick my knee out every time I took a corner in the car. And, it seemed like everyone and everything was going in slow motion.

I have been running on pure adrenaline/endorphins for two days and now am finally hitting a wall. My legs are tired from gripping the tank, knees sore from hanging the corners. I dreamt all last night (and, I even took a sleeping pill) that I was riding the track. My mind is a fuzzy mess today and my body is craving the adrenaline again. I feel like I am coming down from a wild night of….well, you know. Check me into rehab from taking a track class! I think I have ruined myself forever wanting to ride on the street again.

This class, this experience – it was better than.....well, you know!

Home is where we park it!

Ok, I will give the top 10 a rest for awhile – but, stay tuned for the “10 things that make me sick”

I had to go pick up gf at the airport this weekend. She was FINALLY coming back from Africa. I showed up at the airport all showered, shaved, pedicured, waxed, combed (see 10 dating etiquettes) ready and waiting for her to get off the plane and get through customs. While I was waiting, I had a chance to people watch in the airport. (This is one of my favorite things to do.) I look like this in the airport:

I was trying so hard not to focus on any fashion faux pas while I stood there waiting but unfortunately I managed to see a girl in Capri sweatpants with hairy legs. Game on! Suddenly, it seemed everyone around me was overweight and dressed loudly, or had their shorts pulled up to their armpits. I felt like I had suddenly landed in REDNECK LAND! I wondered what someone from another country would think upon arriving in Atlanta Hartsfield Airport – which, unbelievably, is an international airport. Would they think they suddenly arrived in the land of overweight, white men in golf shirts with shorts pulled up to their armpits and wearing black socks with their boat shoes? Would they immediately feel left out and run to the nearest Eddie Bauer to buy pleated khaki shorts and golf shirts? As I was contemplating all this gf nearly passed me. This dilemma was immediately forgotten as I gave her a hug and we went to recover her suitcase. After a few kisses (would people also realize that the homosexuals are very open in Atlanta as well and run out to try to get a boy/girl? Too much to think about…) we dragged her bag off the carousel and I was told, “Not to touch anything because it could be contaminated with Africa”. Eeeech! Ok, I wasn’t vaccinated for any of that Africa stuff so I have no problem not touching anything. Do I need to put down the tarp in the Explorer?

Once home, gf was coherent enough (which was surprising after traveling the last 25 hours) for me to grill us some turkey burgers and make a salad. She was so tired of not being able to eat well there. They couldn’t eat any produce because it was washed in their water and they didn’t want to get sick. She said she ate rice and curry with weird looking pieces of chicken (which she suspected was really goat) in it the whole time. Said she never wanted to see another curry dish as long as she lived! She also has a very nasty bite on her arm that I want her to keep an eye on and threatened to take her to the hospital if it didn't look better TODAY. >:-{ Other than that, she is no worse for wear from her African trip and I am glad to have her home!