Wedding Toasts and Linda Hamilton

I am currently working on my toast to the brides, (which, I was informed just yesterday that it was expected of me – Oh, gee..)

Hmm, toasts……let me see…… pulling up “popular wedding toasts” online, here are a few (awful) ones that I found:

"May we all be invited to tour golden wedding celebrations."
Can we say bland and sounds like old people toasting with orange juice and popping Metamucil? “Hey, alright, grandma and gramps! You go!”

"Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population."
Wha...what? I was lost after termination. All I could think of then is Linda Hamilton wielding a gun.

Definitely a pleasant image but not appropriate for the time of this toast. Especially, if there are old people in attendance - “Henry, what did she just say?”
“I don’t know Martha – here, time for our Metamucil!”

"There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends."
I know for a fact my friends don’t see eye to eye on several things especially keeping (clean) house. Plus, the whole man and wife thing makes me want to gag. What do I say in place of that? Wife and wife – uh, that sounds so traditional. And, “confounding their enemies”? What? What enemies? I'm back at Linda Hamiltion again.

"Here's to the groom with bride so fair, And here's to the bride with groom so rare!"
This is so kindergarten-nursery-rhyme. Why don’t I just suck on a lollypop while I say this? Plus, both brides will have been at the beach a week by this time and won’t be fair at all! “Here’s to the bride with bride so red/tan/brown, and here’s to the bride with bride so rare -uh....lika steak!” No, I don’t think this will do – moving on….

"Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success."
We’re at a wedding reception not a pyramid scheme team building session!

"Seek a happy marriage with wholeness of heart, but do not expect to reach the Promised Land without going through some wilderness together."
Ok, “Promised Land” and “Wilderness” are two words that you especially wouldn’t want in a toast – kind of like the two words “Country” and “Buffet” in the name of a restaurant.

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out."
AAHH! Let’s just compare marriage to imprisonment! (not that any of us have ever thought that, noooo)

all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her."(by Mark Twain, I might add)
I didn’t think it was possible but two MORE words you definitely don’t want in a same sex wedding toast is “Eve” and “Garden”!

Sigh – this is going to be more difficult than I thought. Thanks for nothing, internet!!
I know I am going to have to think about this for a while. But, for now back to
Linda Hamilton…..

Any suggestions?

Weekend, workout, diet, update

The weekend was a pretty good one! Friday night GF and I made one of the recipes out of BFL book at my house and watched some of the 1st season of Weeds.

Saturday, I was up early and in Pete's spin class at 9:00 sharp. He is a great spin instructor - he has the best music and his workouts always kick my butt. After that I did a small back workout and went home to shower, drink a protein shake and went in to work for a little while. I had to get in some OT for the upcoming wedding trip.

This morning I followed GF around the gym for one of her famous kick Trin's ass workouts (which it did) and then went home and started washing the cars. I did both of mine and GF pulled up and we did hers as well. By the time we were finished it was almost time to meet the girls at the movies. We saw Little Miss Sunshine - and, I have to tell you - it was the funniest movie I have ever seen! At one point I could not stop laughing and was crying I was laughing so hard. We were all hooping it up pretty good. I mean, it takes alot to get GF to laugh - she's a pretty serious gal - and she was even not in the best of moods today but she was crying, too, and definately cheered up! We all left the theater with red eyes and smiles on our faces. You have to see this movie if you havent already! I loved it!

Once back from the movie tonight I started to pack for the beach. Yes, I am really looking forward to it! (Did I say that already?) Although, I really hope the weather coorporates with us while we're down there. I checked and there's about 40 - 50% chance all the days we're down there. I don't mind a little rain in the afternoon to blow off the humidity but if it rains all days...well, maybe I need to take the laptop. I just hope it holds out for the wedding.

Jane's getting serious.....

A few years back before I met GF and right after a very terrible break-up I decided to get into shape. Now, I have always been somewhat athletic, however, my eating habits were terrible. At the time of this break-up I had weighed the heaviest I have ever weighed in my life. (143lbs) At the same time my sister had started this diet and workout program and had just been down to visit me and she looked great! She had been a size 14 and was to a size 8 when she visited and I about fell out! So, I really had no excuse at this point in my life to NOT do this, plus, I needed the intense workouts to keep from – well, lets just say - to stay out of jail!

I started going to the gym and following the workout routines. I bought a couple of cookbooks and prepared recipes.



(look inside this book) (look inside this book)

I tried to stay away from beer and alcohol but I admit I splurged at times. It all started to come together and after about 3 months I weighed 125 lbs. – almost 20 lbs. lighter. I could wear a bathing suit without my gut hanging over and handles on the sides. My arms were cut and I started wearing tight t-shirts to show off my muscles and was in a size 6. And, can I just say -

I. looked. HOT!

At the same time GF was doing almost the same thing – only with South Beach Diet and regular gym workouts. When we met we had both lost all our weight and our only complaint was that we were tired of buying new clothes all the time.

GF and I have been together almost 2 years in Oct. and we both admit that the weight has crept up a bit – you know, those happy pounds. Both of us are not near as heavy as before. But, we’re both are at around 132 lbs. For her, this is not so bad as she’s taller than me. But me – bad times, right there! We looked at pics of ourselves when we first met and said "We looked great then!" So, that did it and we decided to do this thing again. I dusted off the cookbooks, printed out the workout routines from the website and started keeping a journal of workouts and what I have eaten this week. I started Tues. with a 4 mile run with S and ever since I have worked out every day. My only splurge food –wise is I blew it the other night with 4 beers - I need to be better about that.

I got on the scales this morning and weighed 131 – lost a pound since Tues. Here we go!

The reason I am writing all this is to totally plug Body-For-Life . It worked for me once and now it’s working again!

Hey, take the challenge – I dare you!

PS - and, no, I didn't slip, Claire - my real name is not Jane, either. ;-)

Summer, the beach and the approaching doom

I just read r.d.’s post and had a realization – the second realization of the morning – I guess I need more coffee.

The first realization hit me like a ton of bricks -this time next week I will be packing my bags and the car to go to the beach! I cannot believe it is finally here! I have been talking about this for months now! I guess going to the lake last weekend eased my pain of getting out of town. I know it will be here in the blink of an eye and over in the same amount of time.

The second realization is that this is my last ditch effort at summer- after this it will be jackets, shoes, long sleeves and jeans here on out! Also, this is the first and last vacation gf and I will have together this year as she will be traveling non-stop and I will be spending the holidays overseas with my sister.

Where did the summer go anyway?

When I think of it being over I say, “WAIT! I still need to do this, that and the other!” But, the only thing I can honestly say that I didn’t do this summer (that I relate to summer) is go to gay pride. I haven’t been in the last 3 years because I always seem to teach a class that weekend. The years past I have gone I have been sadly disappointed that it turned out to be a huge drunk-fest with a bunch of scary people that I wouldn’t want to be around sober, let alone drunk! And, lets not forget all the uncomfortable ex sightings (we won't go there!) So, really – what have I missed? My sister visited twice, I’ve ran around in the convertible, went to the lake, went swimming, and it will be capped off with going to the beach. Putting it all into perspective, it really doesn’t sound that bad.

Looking ahead to fall – and what to look forward to:

* Cooler weather that I can wear my favorite jean jacket or track jacket and

* Have the top down on the convertible without feeling like I am a piece of fried chicken

*Football (College! GO Fighting Irish!)

*Leaves – although, they change and drop late here – which is good!

*Doing motorcycle crew for this event

*Me and GF’s 2 -year (Gaaaah) anniversary and going here to celebrate

*All the little kids (brats) being back at school

*OH! And who can forget this – SAM ADAMS OCTOBERFEST!!

(Thanks for reminding me r.d.! :-)

So, is summer almost being over really THAT bad?

Cabin Fever

I am proud to say that I survived the weekend at the lake! Thankfully, the hotdog was gone this year! (I think someone must have had the same experience and popped it!) Although, I have much soreness from my wakeboarding experience on Saturday and a few bug bites in some suspicious places – that does it – I’m not sleeping in the attic of the main cabin next year!

I managed to sneak out of work early (2:00!) on Friday and make it up to the cabin by 4:00! J, Y & GF were already there and we swam and hung out at the dock. Everyone else showed up around 6ish and we all hopped on the boat and took a sunset cruise and had shrimp cocktail. Once back at the cabin, the straggling few that had to unfortunately work late came in and we all made a feast of every possible thing you could grill with spicy slaw and corn on the cob. Everyone was quite animated that first night having conversations on both of the cabin’s decks with a heated scrabble game going and much drinking!

The next day I got up and decided to take a run on the gravel roads around the lake. As I started off on the steep, rocky drive I thought maybe it wasn’t such a good idea after all. Once on the main road the terrain evened out as well as my breathing and I managed to get in a super run looking at all the cabins and breathtaking views of the lake. I finished off the run with a steep climb up an adjoining driveway to the cabin and went flying down the slope and dove into the lake. Ahhhh – a wonderful way to cool off after a run! I wished that I could do that after all my runs!

After a great breakfast we all went down to the dock and laid out and swam. Later, J came down with the boat keys and I scrambled up the slope to get the wakeboard that had been leaning against the deck since we got there. In the boathouse I picked out a lifejacket that I could cinch tight. (I really wanted the Batman one but it was too small) Once on the water, feet in the board, rope in front I told S, who was driving the boat that wake boarder’s need more initial speed than skiers. We gave each other the thumbs up – me, bracing myself, GF watching taking pics. S proceeds to whip the throttle of the boat causing me to fly up out of the water and come crashing down on my face, ripping my feet out of the board’s boots. As the boat circles around S looks at me and says “Was that ok?” I said, “Maybe just a TAD BIT less speed” We finally got the speed issue worked out and I was able to make a few laps around the lake before letting go of the rope and giving in to my screaming knees.

The rest of the day we spent in the water, floating around the dock and having many cocktails. We had another excellent feast of BBQ from this place. (Which, has the best Brunswick stew in the whole world J says.)

Later that evening I was getting the feeling of being trapped at an all night slumber party where I was the only one who wanted to go to sleep! Sunday morning I woke with bags under my eyes and soreness in my back from wakeboarding. As I crawled down the loft steps for coffee, I couldn’t wait to get home to my nice, quiet, air-conditioned house where there weren’t 20 different conversations going on at once.

All in all it was great to get away and I think we all had a wonderful time! Chock up another great weekend at J’s cabins on the lake!

(here's a better pic of me r.d. ;-)

Word for Today

Restraint

Why? Because there are donuts in the kitchen at work and I need to stay away from them.


Why? Because I need to wear a bathing suit this weekend and every little bit counts right now.

Restraint

Why? Because there is a whole cooler full of ice, cold beer in my car right now and I need to stay away from it until I get to the lake.

Restraint

Why? I want to leave RIGHT NOW to go and I cannot until 3:30 – GET HERE!

Tag You're it!

I got this from A Road Less Traveled:
(Tag, you're it, btw ;-)

1. How tall are you barefoot? 5’-3”
2. Have you ever been cheated on? Yes
3. Do you own a gun? No
4. What do you think of hot dogs? I have mixed feelings. Maybe the ones that are strickly beef with cheese in the middle?
5. What's your favorite Christmas song? The Pretenders “2000 miles”
6. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee w/ soy milk and splenda
7. Do you do push-ups? Yes
8. Have you ever done ecstasy? Yes
9. Do you like Disney World? NO!
10. Do you like the rain? Yes, especially when I am in bed with gf
11. Do you own a knife? Yes, several
12. What do you smell like? Abercrombie “Fierce”
13. Do you have A.D.D.? No – What was the question?
14. Full initials? T2
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. I have to pee, they finally turned off the air and now I’m hot and need to take my sweatshirt off, I can’t wait get home.
16. Name the last 3 things you have bought today. A diet coke, slice of pizza and a salad at lunch.
17. Name five drinks you regularly drink. Coffee, water, Diet Dr. Pepper, Guinness and red wine
18. What time did you wake up today? 5:30 a.m.
19. Can you spell? No, but I can spell check
20. Current worries? When I will get my check in the mail.
21. Current hate? War
22. Favorite place to be? Sound asleep next to GF
23. Least favorite place to be? In Indiana where I grew up.
24. Where do you want to go? Tuscany
25. Do you own slippers? No, slippers are for pussies
26. Where do you think you will be in 10 years? Either owning my own business or at the beach or both
27. Do you burn or tan? Tan but slowely
28. Yellow or blue? Blue
29. Would you give up your current life to be a pirate? WTF…no, I don’t want rotten teeth……
30. Last time your cell rang? Can’t remember – I always keep it on vibrate.
31. What songs do you sing in the shower? WTF….I don’t
32. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? The Blob!
33. How much cash do you have on you? $4
34. Last thing that made you laugh? Claire saying “Oh dear.”
35. Best bed sheets you had as a kid? Star Wars
36. Worst injury you've ever had? Broken arm
37. Where have you been out of US? England
38. Who is your loudest friend? S
39. Who is your most silent friend? L
40. Does someone have a crush on you? Don’t know.
41. Do you wish on stars? No
42. What song did you last hear? This one
43. What song do you want played at your funeral? What funeral? I don’t want a funeral. Only parties! It would be This one
44. What were you doing at 12:00 last night? I was in my favorite place #22
45. First thought upon waking up this morning? Is it Friday yet?

50 Things

I got these from Recovering Straight Girl and added a few on my own to round off the number to 50. If you're reading this and you want to play -tag, you're it! Be sure to link me so I can read yours!

1. Where were you 1 hour ago?
At work – where I am now.
2. Who will be your next kiss?
GF, I hope! ;-)
3. What is the largest amount of money you spent in one store?
$7,000 – I bought I Rolex.
4. Where did you go on your last date?
We went to dinner at Wahoo.
5. When is the last time you went to the mall?
Last weekend.
6. Are you wearing socks right now?
No
7. Chocolate, Strawberry or Vanilla?
Vanilla
8. When was the last time you drove out of town?
It was back in April when I went to Birmingham, AL to see my friend.
9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
Yes, my sister and I went to see Night Listener and Devil Wears Prada.
10. What are you wearing right now?
Jeans, Abercrombie shirt, and flip flops (yeah, I’m at work :-P)
11. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?
I wash them.
12. Last fast food you ate?
Chick-fil-A
13. Where were you Friday night?
I was teaching a class until 10.
14. Have you bought any clothes in the last week?
Yes, I bought a new pair of motorcycle boots on Ebay for $55 – what a steal!
15. When is the last time you ran?
A week ago? I suck.
16. What’s the last sporting event you watched?
I glanced at the baseball game last night and almost fell asleep from boredom! (No, it wasn’t Boston playing, r.d.)
17. What is your favorite class?
Race class!
18. Your dream vacation?
Tuscany
19. Last persons house you were in?
Gf’s
20. How old are your parents?
One parent – 70
21. Are you in love?
Yes
22. Do you miss anyone?
Yes
23. Last play you saw?
Does Vagina Monologues count?
24. What are your plans for tonight?
To clean the house.
25. Who did you last leave a comment for in their blog?
Claire
26. Ever go to camp?
Yes, band camp. “One time at band camp….”
27. Were/are you an honor roll student in school?
No.
28. What do you want to know about the future?
Will I lead a long, healthy life?
29. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
No
30. Are you hungry?
Yes, very.
31. Where is your best friend located?
See below.
32. Who is your best friend?
That’s hard to say just one – I have many. One of them is Afunt
33. Do you have a tan?
No.
34. How old do you want to be when you have kids?
I don't want to have kids
35. Do you collect anything?
Hockey pucks.
36. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?
Last week when I was on my Ducati. I was going 61 in a 45. Fortunately, I didn’t get a ticket.
37. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
Yes.
38. How do you like your drinks?
I like them cold, in a glass, with ice in it.
39. Do you like hot sauce?
Yes
40. Last time you took a shower?
This morning
41. Do you need to do laundry?
No
42. What is your heritage?
Swiss/German
43. Are you someone’s best friend?
Yes.
44. Are you rich?
Not monetarily but in life and friends.
45. What is your dream job?
To teach motorcycle class in Hawaii – “For lunch the hula girls will come down for lessons. After exercise 9 we’ll take a break and go surf.”
46. When was the last time you cried?
I don’t know but my gf would probably say the last time I was pms-ing.
47. Have you been out of the United States?
Yes, to England twice.
48. Last social gathering.
Sunday night at a friend’s house.
49. Last time you have been to the dentist.
4 months ago.
50. Last alcoholic drink you had.
Guinness

Monday (wishing it were) Friday!

I am exhausted today from working all weekend. Like the previous Drowned Rat post, Saturday’s class was just like that. The motorcycles and class nearly got swept away in the deluge. I felt like we were in a clip out of Hard Rain! Although, I must send out kudos to the place I worked for throwing my wet jeans in the dryer and giving me a new helmet because mine had a mechanical failure over the weekend.

I want this week to fly by because this weekend is the yearly cabin weekend up at the lake with all the girls.

We take the boat out, make breakfast and dinner together, swim, lay out and read trashy books and magazines all weekend. Although, I vow NOT to get on the inflatable hot dog with a drunk J this time!

See how these kids are happy? It's because one of them isn't drunk and causing the other to wreck the hotdog and clunk heads when they hit the wake and crash. Thank Goddess I had a life jacket on because I think I got a concussion after that. I can just see it: Emergency room tech: "How did you come by that concussion?"
Me: "I wrecked the hotdog"

The next three weekends will be fun and relaxing ending with the finale of going to the beach with gf to friends wedding! (which I will keep you well informed on how that goes)

This is the summer fun I have been waiting for since February.
While all my friends have been to the beach, lake, and mountains twice over I have been diligently working and putting in the hours at the new job. So, those of you that have had your beach, mountains, camping, or any vacation in general – read this and weep! It’s my time now! (and, you thought I wasn't paying attention ;-)

10 Gym Pet Peeves

For those of you who are gym rats like myself I am sure there comes a time where you find that several things get on your nerves about your particular gym of choice. I have found over the years that no gym is perfect – and it’s not the gym itself that gets on your nerves, it’s the people who go to the gym.

1. I admit I am a little bit shy and when I’m in the locker room changing or getting in or out of the shower - it’s kind of like a gyno appointment – get in and get the fuck out! So, when someone gets within my personal space (about 3-4 feet) while I am either A. putting on my underwear or B. taking off my underwear it PISSES ME OFF! “Can you get off my grill, here, so I can put on my HANES- HER-WAY’S?” SHEESH!

2. People who have the WHOLE locker room to put their stuff in a locker and they have to choose the one RIGHT beside yours. (Which, always makes #1 happen!)

3. People who just lolly-gag in the locker room naked and talk about useless things. Hello - this is not a coffee shop! Get your clothes on and get out! (and, invariably 1 and 2 are happening as well)

4. People who talk on their cell phones while working out or in the locker room.

5. People just taking a casual stroll on the treadmill reading a magazine. Ok, why bother – walk home!

6. I can understand a little grunting here and there when you’re having a really intense workout. There’s nothing wrong with that. But, when it comes to someone actually screaming each time they do a rep I have to leave.

7. This always amazes me because it happens EVERY time! People showing up late for bodypump class never having been there before. Ok, if you’re going to try out something new – show up early enough to get set up properly, ask the instructor a few questions and have your game on. You never see anyone show up late for hang gliding!

8. People who “get in line” to use the same machine or weights you do when the gym is empty and not crowded. There are a hundred other machines and weights they can use but they WANT yours.

9. Sorry – I know this one sounds very bad but either overweight trainers and/or overweight people who work for the gym. Unfortunately, it’s an image and fitness industry so gyms should keep that in mind when they hire people to represent their business and train their customers.

10. People who tie their dogs up outside the gym while they go work out or bring their BABIES into the gym. Hello – last time I checked this wasn’t a kennel or daycare. This is a GYM. Serious people need only to apply.

What are your gym pet peeves?

Pics from Rehab

I finally got the pics in from my track class that I took early July. I thought my fellow bloggies would enjoy some pics of Trin2 ;-)

10 Bush Quotes of Stupidity

This is for paying almost $3 at the pump today!

President George W. Bush Quotes of Stupidity

1) "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." —LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

2) "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." —Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000

3) "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." —second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

4) "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

5) "You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." —to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005

6) "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

7) "They misunderestimated me." —Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

8) "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" —Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

9) "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

10) "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

Also - George Bush has started an ill-timed and disastrous war under false pretenses by lying to the American people and to the Congress; he has run a budget surplus into a severe deficit; he has consistently and unconscionably favored the wealthy and corporations over the rights and needs of the population; he has destroyed trust and confidence in, and good will toward, the United States around the globe; he has ignored global warming, to the world's detriment; he has wantonly broken our treaty obligations; he has condoned torture of prisoners; he has attempted to create a theocracy in the United States; he has appointed incompetent cronies to positions of vital national importance.

Now, would someone please give him a blow job so we can impeach him?

One time....

Everyone has those times when they had a close call with the cops. Right? (Maybe it’s just me)

I went to a university in Midwest town that was very boring when you weren’t studying your ass off trying to make your grades. At that time, there were no decent bars around campus unless you were of the crowd that went to all the football games and were attracted to the opposite sex. So, Straightsville, U.S.A. If you were gay (like myself) you either went to a very divey bar that contained very scary people (that made you question your sexuality) or you would make up arbitrary games and activities – which, my friend S and I were very good at.

Friday night and we didn’t have a thing to do except smoke cigarettes and drink beer. We had already played the game of putting the bra on the oscillating fan to see who could snap it off the most number of times with one hand. (Fortunately, it didn't take much to entertain us back then) I don’t know who came up with this idea first but we decided to fill up a bunch of water balloons and go over to campus and drive to the top of the parking garage next to Fraternity row and drop balloons on all the people walking down the alley to the frat parties. (I think it was rush time, too) This went very well until a bunch of guys hopped in a car and decided to drive up to the top of the deck and “get us”. As they were driving up, we were driving down. (I don’t think they majored in Engineering). Since we managed to escape with quite a few balloons we decided to drive around campus. Just as a car was approaching us from the other direction my friend said, “Watch this” and flung a balloon out the window hitting the windshield of the car and splattering all over. The car suddenly did a u-turn in the middle of the road and turned on blue lights. Yeah, she’d hit a cop. She said, “Hold on!” and floored her little Honda civic. I said, “What do you mean, “Hold on? Are you hearing yourself? We cannot outrun a cop in a Honda Civic!”
Not to mention we were RUNNING from a cop! The car went screeching around the corner on two wheels and S suddenly slammed on the brakes and yelled, “RUN!” So, what did I do? I RAN! (only before grabbing the beer and throwing it out of the car. Yes, we were underage) I managed to dive into the bushes right before I saw a bright light and a loud voice in a megaphone say “Stop! Police! Come out with your hands up!” (Ok, believe me when I say you never want to hear that in your lifetime) I thought I was pretty much well hidden.
There was silence, I wasn’t moving, my breathing was shallow and just when I was thinking I would stay there for a very long time I heard S break the silence and say “T, come on out of those bushes – we can see your legs.” I crawled out of the bushes much to my humiliation – it was my first cop chase and I had failed miserably. To my mortification, my friend S was standing in the spotlight of the cop car with her hands up and he had a gun pulled on her. Yi! I came tromping down to the street with my hands up, too.

The cop then put his gun down and said, “What in the hell have you girls gotten yourselves into?” That was when S started pouring on the tears. I had never seen my friend cry. In fact, she was tough as nails! I just looked at her like she just landed from Mars. When I did, she winked like “Go with me, here” and that’s when I got it and started pouring on the tears, too. We begged, pleaded, said we were A students (which, was a BIG lie), we were good church-going girls (another BIG lie) we were SO sorry, etc.” The cop shined his flashlight on the beer that was thrown on the grass of someone’s front yard and asked us if it was ours. We shook our heads and said, “No sir! Not us! The Lord does not permit drinking!” Just then his radio went off and he answered it. He had gotten a call – seemed a Fraternity house had caught fire and he was needed on campus. He turned to us and said, “This is your lucky night, girls! Get the hell out of here and stay out of trouble!” He left and that was when S and I realized we still had our hands up. We slowly dropped them and breathed a sigh of relief. “That was a close call”, she said. “Yeah, it was”, I said as I bent down to retrieve the beer and throw it in the car.

To Anonymous

To the person(s) who keep leaving comments on my post - first, it was "Great post! Learn how to make more money at home call 1-800 blah, blah, blah" then it was "Your post wasn't what I was looking for but if you know what you are looking for to make more money at home call
1-800 blah, blah, blah."

Just know that I WILL NOT post your lame-ass ad on my site - that's why I have COMMENT MODERATION. You are wasting your time. And, on another note GET A FUCKING LIFE! If all you have to do is hit other peoples sites to leave your poor salesmanship ad then you really do need to take a hard look at your career and where it's going.

In fact, why don't YOU call 860-768-5619 for The Career Counseling Center and quit bugging people on their blogs!

Happy Birthday To Me

I don’t feel any different……

Yesterday, I turned 29! (for the tenth time) It wasn’t much of a special day. I had worked all weekend teaching and dragged myself out of bed that morning. I tried to wake up with a cold shower and a cup of coffee (the only reason to get out of bed as far as I’m concerned). I made several trips back into the house from forgetting things that I needed to take with me to work. I finally got down the road only to forget the most important thing which was all my motorcycle paperwork I wanted to complete and mail off at lunch that day. So, I turned the car around and went home again. I was tempted to just crawl back in bed and call in sick. On the road, once again, I realized that I forgot to put on a belt. This struck me as hilarious – I am sure it was from lack of sleep. Then, I got to the office and read Claire's post and, again, I am sitting in my office yuck-yucking away. (I really liked the "pirate dialect")

Despite my exhaustion I managed to get all my paperwork done, pay my bills, go to the post office, get an emission test for my car (because in Georgia you have until your birthday to renew your tag registration which entails an emission test (for all vehicles you own which is killing me because I have two) and I have left it to the VERY last day. All that and I managed to complete my landscape project on time! It felt a little bit like this day. Thank Goddess crazy woman hadn’t called.

By the time I got home and showered and changed clothes it was almost time for gf to take me out to dinner. We went out to one of my favorite restaurants although after the evening I am not sure it is a favorite anymore. I think the air conditioning was busted and gf and I felt like wilted flowers. It was almost too hot to eat and, I was too tired to really get my drink on. (Which, was the worst part!) In spite of the heat and wanting to fall asleep in my Wahoo, Gf was good to me.
She had bought me the shoes, cologne, flowers, and dinner. I went home at 9 and crawled into bed and was asleep immediately. I woke up this morning more rejuvenated and started thinking about some of the funny birthday presents I have received in the past and decided to make up a list of things NOT to get your gf for her birthday. So, here it is:

1. Butt-flossy underwear (g-strings, thongs) unless you know for a fact that she likes this kind.
2. Over the top sex toys unless she has shown you what she wants. (explaining it is not good enough – “this big” could mean “THIS BIG” and vice versa.)
3. Workout equipment – unless it’s replacing some old equipment you are completely sure she uses and not just hangs her clothes on or she has mentioned that she wants it – either way, she’s going to hang her clothes on it.
4. A vacuum cleaner.
5. Origami
6. A gift certificate to your favorite restaurant.
7. A $6 bottle of wine. You’re just setting her up for a really bad hangover the next day.
8. Tickets to a show that her ex is playing in the band.
9. Tickets to any outdoor event. Unless you know for a fact that she likes this sort of thing.
10. An airplane ticket for you to go with her to meet the folks.

Ten things that are a good idea to get her even if you do not have a lot of money(except for maybe #10):

1. Handmade coupons for fixing dinner, washing her car (I give my gf tons of these), helping her wash the dog, planting a flowerbed, etc. A good hint is to put a “renew by” date on them so she will use them and not just throw them in a drawer.
2. Ebay money.
3. Something that has to do with a hobby that they do/like whether it’s gear, shoes, clothing, or a membership.
4. Good chocolate (instead of the cake)
5. A handmade or leather journal.
6. Jewelry that you know she likes/wants (including watches)
7. Good wine
8. Flowers and dinner at her favorite place.
9. Something she has said she needs (unless it’s #3 or 4 from above)
10. An overnight trip.(To a place she wants to go -not your mamma's!)