Surprise!

Since Afunt has decided to bless us with her pic I decided to follow suit. This is me with two of the Atlanta Falcons Cheerleaders. They were cheering at Station 5 on the first day of the 3-day breast cancer walk.

Yeah, I know you were picturing a dark-haired goddess such as Carrie-Anne Moss but here you have it! Just little ol' me!

10 Things that get the hell on my nerves - Part II

(For those of you who missed Part I -it's here)

1. First of all – do not put me on speakerphone unless you want me to start cursing like a sailor and embarrass you in front of your boss and all your co-workers.

2. When you ask me for a number be PREPARED to take it down as soon as I start reciting it. No “waitaminute” – don’t freaking ask if you don’t have a pen in your hand ready to take it down!

3. People who quietly walk into my office and say my name [loudly] and startle me. I have about 3 heart attacks per day here, people!

4. People who signal to turn and while they are making the turn take their foot off the accelerator and take 3 years to complete the maneuver.

5. People who are in front of me at either Starbucks or Subway who order for 10 other people! Do they not know that they have people behind them that are not normally homicidal people but when pushed to the limit without the essentials such as caffeine and food they could become that?

6. People in line at the Starbucks and bank machine that have to stand about 20 feet back from the person in front of them causing everyone else to have to practically go outside to wait in line. (Goddess! I HATE that!)

7. When you work in a bookstore such as this one – it is probably not a good time to start banging [loudly] on some shelf to fix it while people are trying to read, relax and LOOK AT BOOKS! It's just like a library - be quiet! (And, people with screaming kids - I'm talking about you, too!)

8. Flags or big magnets that people put on their cars that support their teams.

9. Perfume people that chase me through the beauty section wanting to give me some sample of the latest cologne. Hello. If I LIKED your fragrance I would be wearing it!

10. Places where they have drink dispensers (Fast food places, etc) and people who get their drink and continuously pour out the foam on top and keep filling up the cup. "Hello – your drink will continue to HAVE fiz or foam on the top whether you pour it out or not!" And, people who LINGER in front of the drink dispenser not letting anyone else around them. And, people who reach around you while you are filling up your drink only to have their cola pour out onto your hand!

Agree? Disagree? Also - can anyone tell the difference between their blogs once they switched to beta? What is so great about beta? The only difference I can see is that I have a longer sign in name.

And, also.....

....going to Zermatt.

Does anyone know anything about snowboards?

Are Shimano K2 step in bindings all that?

Onward and Upward....

You know I am not one to sit on my ass and play pity party for myself for too long. Never a depressed person normally and I really am inpatient with myself when it comes to any kind of prolonged dilemma. I mean, this morning I got up and I was like “Oh, for key-rist-sakes, get over yourself!” Really. I looked outside and realized that the sun is shining – this is good!

* I am gainfully employed.

*I have a great house and more vehicles than I could possibly drive at once.

*I have great friends!

*And, f-ing-A I am going to Paris in 3 weeks!!

Pour quoi petite amie?

It's finally catching up.....

.....my breakup and what have I done?

I woke up here this morning next to someone I "barely" knew. All I can say is at least I have a little taste when I'm drunk and didn't drive far. The good news is, I still had all my money intact, my rolex was still on my wrist and the girl had a good sense of humor this morning when we realized our surroundings. And, I didn't wreck my car - too bad.

What in the hell had gotten into me?

Now for the bad news - I've never felt lonelier in my life. As I'm driving back from Midtown it hits me - my breakup that I was just telling S1 last night that I was over it, I was fine, I was handling it well, etc.

It's like when you get this huge cut and it looks really nasty and it's bleeding like hell but it doesn't hurt and you think "Oh, it doesn't hurt at all" and then it hits and the pain about knocks you over. That is me right now.

I tell myself "You did this. You broke up with her" Even though I miss her. I tell myself to go back over that list of "Telltale signs" of the relationship ending that I made a few days ago (there were 25, btw). I tell myself that I would be just as lonely if I did go back to her. That she is so self-absorbed that she wouldn't even notice me around, anyway.

-sigh- I need to keep telling myself those things - and thinking about the good news in all this.

I managed to glue the piece of my tail light back on - does super glue work on hearts, too?

Relationships and Heart Failure

It has been a day of discussing relationships and events that has happened in our lives lately. It seems that everyone (well, maybe not EVERYONE) is breaking up lately, or just got out of a breakup or is ready for one.

Last night, out at the country bar I was there with two of my friends who have recently broken up with their gf’s. One friend (S2) has recently moved out of her lover’s house and the lover threw all of her furniture out on her front porch to get as soon as she could get there. When she arrived to pick it up she saw that a lot of it had suffered damage.

Granted, I think this is waaaay overboard if you ask me. I had a girl practically leave me at the alter, take the new girl to Hawaii (see Wedding Bells) and still had her stuff in my house until a month later when she could get it all out and I never once threw anything on the lawn. Yeah, I should have gotten a medal (pin it to my chest, go on!) for not doing that but I also have my self respect intact. My friend didn’t do anything remotely as extreme as my ex did and she had this to deal with this.

My other friend D who was single, had her ex show up and gawk and glare at her all night as she danced with us and spoke to another woman at the bar.

And, me – I haven’t even had a conversation or fight with my ex since we broke up over email. From one extreme to another. All day I thought about sending her an email saying I was available to talk if she needed any closure on this – not that I needed any – I know that it’s over – but was going to extend the courtesy. Then, I thought – why? So it can be met with anger and misunderstanding? So, I let it go. She will talk to me when she is ready – or maybe, should I say – has come to her senses that she’s not the only one with feelings.

So, I hung out with S2 today. We talked about the women of our pasts, our futures and relationships in general. She has already found someone who she is very much attracted to and wants something with. But, me – I don’t know. I am at an impasse and have no idea where and what I am doing right now except for getting through day by day.

We talked about the 3 times I have been in love and one of the loves was very short lived. In fact, our relationship didn’t last even long enough for me to call her an ex – which, I don’t. But, Goddess – I remember the intensity of it like it was yesterday. It hurt to breathe when I wasn’t in her presence. I remember drinking in every moment of her, her smell, the vivid colors of the outdoors while we were together, every restaurant we ever went to together, the times when we met and how I felt at that moment. Even to this day she still remarks on my memory of things, which is amazing as normally, I don’t have a very good memory. I think at the time I knew deep down inside it was going to be short lived. Honestly, I don’t know how someone can actually survive such intense love for long without having heart failure. Because of such, I kept a very good journal and wrote a lot during that time. I still look back on it with happy memories even though when we parted ways I hurt for a very long time afterwards. I told S2 that maybe I don’t have a “type” of woman I want to see.

I just want to be in love like that again.

Colors and things

Ok, enough of the Thanksgiving thing and what to be thankful for and blah, blah, blah....back with our normal scheduled program:

I got this from Susannah:

[ RED ]1. Closest red thing to you? A red pen
2. Has anyone ever cheated on you in a relationship? Yes, the girl that practically left me at the alter.
3. Last thing to make you angry? That’s a hard one – I will have to get back to you on that one.
4. Are you a fan of romance? Yes, I am a hopeless romantic.
5. Have you ever been in love? Yes, 3 times to be exact.
6. Do you have a temper? Most of the time, no. But, when I do it is feared.

[ GREEN ]1. Closest green thing to you? A Patricia Cornwell book I am reading.
2. Do you care about the environment? Yes
3. Are you jealous of anyone right now? No sure.
4. Are you a lucky person? I think I am a very lucky person and am thankful for how far I have come and for the things that I have.
5. Do you always want what you can't have? No
6. Are you Irish? No.

[ PURPLE ]1. Last purple thing you saw? This is hard – I guess purple on my grandmothers quilt that I have laying on my couch.
2. Like being treated to expensive things? Yes, who doesn’t?
3. Do you like mysterious things? Yes, life is fully of mystery and it makes things interesting.
4. Favourite type of chocolate? Dark
5. Ever met any royalty? No.
6. Are you creative? Yes, sometimes – depending on what medium it is ;-)
7. Are you lonely? Sometimes, yes.

[ BLUE ]1. Closest blue thing to you? My jeans
2. Are you good at calming people down? Very
3. Do you like the ocean? I love it! I wish that I lived near it.
4. What was the last thing that made you cry? I think it was driving home one night from the bar missing my ex and being frustrated with the situation and sad over our recent break-up.
5. Are you a logical thinker? Sometimes, but not always.
6. Can you sleep easily? Lately, yes. All I’ve wanted to do is sleep.
7. Do you prefer the beach or the woods? The beach, hands down.

[ YELLOW ]1. Closest yellow thing to you? Tape
2. The happiest time(s) of your life? When I was in college – I never wanted to graduate!
3. Favourite holiday? Easter – all those pastel M&M’s and peanut butter reeces eggs.
4. Are you a coward? Definitely not.
5. Do you burn or tan? Tan
6. Do you want children? Hell no.
7. What makes you happy? A clean house, car or pulling warm clothes out of the dryer.

[ PINK ]1. Closest (dark) pink thing to you? I don’t have many pink things so this question is really futile.
2. Do you like sweet things? Sometimes.
3. Like play-fighting? Not really – I take fighting too serious – probably from being in martial arts for 6 years.
4. Are you sensitive? Yes, to a fault sometimes.
5. Do you like punk music? Not really
6. What is your favourite flower? Gerber Daisies
7. Does someone have a crush on you? I hope so! ;-)

[ ORANGE ]1. Closest orange thing to you? The handle of my scissors.
2. Do you like to burn things? Yes, candles and cigarettes
3. Dress up for Halloween? Not really unless you count my hockey jersey I wore this past Halloween.
4. Are you usually a warm-hearted person? Yes, I think so.
5. Do you prefer the single life or the security of a relationship? I’d prefer a combination of the two.
6. What would your super power be? What do you mean by “would”? ;-)

[ WHITE ]1. Closest white thing to you? My bra and underwear.
2. Would you say you're innocent? No, definitely not.
3. Always try to keep the peace? Not always
4. How do you imagine your wedding? On a beach somewhere.
5. Do you like to play in the snow? Not unless I know there is a hot tub waiting for me.
6. Are you afraid of going to the doctors or dentist? Yes, definitely the doctor although, I grudgingly keep up with my dental appointments.

[ BLACK ]1. Closest black thing to you? My bracelet is black leather.
2. Ever enjoy hurting people? No – I believe what comes around goes around.
3. Are you sophisticated or silly? both.
4. Do you have a lot of secrets? I wouldn’t say a lot but I do not believe in indulging my whole life history to people, either. I like a bit of mysteriousness and to keep certain things I find sacred to myself.
5. What is your favourite colour(s)? Blue
6. Does the colour you wear affect your mood? The opposite – I wear colors based on my mood.

Thanksgiving Day

I woke up this morning and the cats were practically beating down my door for me to get up. I had left the crockpot on all night with a cornish hen in it and the aroma of it cooking drove them wild!
As I picked the hen up with tongs it fell off the bone and was so tender from cooking in the stock all night. I transfered the chicken to a pan and put it in the oven to stay warm. I threw carrots and potatoes into the chicken stock and turned the pot on high to cook. After they cooked I took some of the stock out of the pot and mixed it with the dressing. Yeah, it all turned out great!
I took a plate over to my 86 year old neighbor, Mildred, as she is alone today. I gave the cats some scraps and sat down to eat and turned on the hockey game - yeah, my Thrashers are playing the capitols(whom, I hate, b.t.w.) We are up 4-2, yeah!
I set up my wireless connection so I now have a faster connection and won't get dropped every 5 minutes from my old Cingular WWAN connection.
I spoke to friends and confirmed going out dancing tonight. It is the holy-grail of Hoedown's night. Everyone will be out full force to try and dance all the turkey off.
Yeah, so life it good!
I'm going to go eat some pie now. And, oh, r.d. - I have so many pies because I could not decide which kind I liked most so I bought both!

Happy Thanksgiving, all. I hope it's relaxing and peaceful or at least if it isn't entertaining at best!

Thanksgiving and then some

I am sitting in my office this morning drinking coffee, feeling the warmth of my space heater and looking out the window. I know you’re thinking “Maybe that girl doesn’t need an office with a window if she’s always looking out it” but I do. I would shrivel up and die if I could not look outside. We are supposed to be moving soon and there’s talk we’ll all have to move into cubicles. I am biding my time of throwing down the gauntlet on that. Yeah, office with a window or else I quit and move. The quality of life is that important to me.

I’m trying not to focus on too many things this week and stress myself out. This holiday is supposed to be stress-free as I am not going anywhere, not expected to do anything or meet unfamiliar people – all big stressors for the holiday. I have outlined that the only things I need to do over the holiday aside from cooking my own meals is mop the kitchen floor, clean my office and study. Not bad for 4 days off. Those are my goals. Although, I am already thinking that if I got the menial chores done this week then I would only be left with studying and that’s what I really need to do. I have a test coming up on Dec. (when was that date? I'm looking it up...) 4th (good goddess – that’s soon!) that I haven’t even cracked a book for. I have taken this exam numerous times and not been able to pass. I am relaying on my knowledge, experience and skill to pass this time. We’ll see how that goes. Really. All I want for Christmas is to pass this test! (Santa)

r.d. wrote a really great post on the things to be thankful for despite what all has been happening the past few months. Which, made me thankful for my blog friends and their presence on my site. I have also listed 10 more things that I am thankful for:

1. My health

2. My friends who are my family

3. My job who ables me to own

4. My house and have

5. Independence

6. My cats who keep good company

7. That I do not have to spend the holiday with relatives

8. That I have a sweet potatoe pie in the freezer

9. and a pecan pie, too.

10. And, r.d., my laptop so I can keep blogging through the holidays ;-)

Pizza and Pickups

Last night I went out to country bar in hopes of finding Tall drink of Water again. No such luck. In fact, none of my usual “twirl-ies” were there except for F-ing Hot Firefighter Woman, whom I said “hi” to. I have known this woman for awhile now and she has been single for as long as I’ve known her. She always has women flocking all around her and there have been times in the past when even I have snapped her up for a few dances, conversation and so forth but I had never been single around her until now.

As I looked at her talking to women and going out on the floor, I thought I could go over and wait for her return, talk to her, ask her to dance and maybe even ask her out. That could be me over there. And then, just the thought of all that made me really tired. I left my last relationship because I felt like I was always doing all the work, taking the initiative, planning everything and taking over. Why run into the arms of that again? Not to mention this woman knows she’s hot, is a tad bit on the self-absorbed side, and possible rejection, of course [which, I can handle but would have been harder that night]. Again, I’ve been down that road and it’s a boring, straight path that leads to the same destination called “themselves” every time.

Maybe I don’t need to date until the whole thought of it doesn’t exhaust me. Maybe next time I need to wait for someone to ask me out – instead of it always being the other way around.

I poured out the rest of my beer and walked out of the bar. As I strode across the parking lot I saw a woman running to her car with a pizza box in her hand. She was probably picking it up for her and her gf on the way home from the bar. And, just the thought of pizza was all I needed.

You know you’re not ready for dating when you’d choose taking home a pizza over a girl from the bar.

Urban Cowboy and a Tall Drink of Water

As you know, I like to go out to country bar on Thursday nights and dance. And, since it’s ended up that several of my best friends and I are single, we were all out in full force last week. It was one of those great nights you never wanted to end – despite it being a work night. I cannot remember the last time we were all out on the same night, partying, single and dancing it up. As we were hanging out at our communal table by the dance floor, I pointed out this tall drink of water leaning against the rails watching the dancers and said to my friend S2, “She is attractive!” S2 replied, “Go ask her to dance!” so I did, she accepted and we went out on the dance floor.

As I’m twirling her she said, “What’s your name?” and immediately the scene from
Urban Cowboy where Debra Winger [Sissy]

asked John Travolta what his name was and him saying “Bud”. I was actually tempted to say “Bud” just to see if she would get it. Then, I thought it might be too weird for her. Some people just don’t remember movie lines –even corny ones – like I do.

The dance ended, we bowed and thanked each other for the dance (as is customary in two- stepping) and walked off the floor. As I joined the table again, S2 said, “I cannot believe you asked that girl to dance!” I said, “Why?” S2 said, “You have balls of steel, dude!”

Well, you never know what’s possible until you ask, right? Right. Fortunately, I have a big enough ego that can handle rejection – which, will come in handy later on.

Throughout the night I asked “Tall drink of Water” to dance a few more times. At one point, I actually interrupted a conversation with her and some other girl [that was trying to hit on her] to dance and she accepted – guess she wasn’t that interested in the girl or conversation.

Next thing I know, it’s 12:30 and I have got to get out of there. I tore myself away from the crowd, friends and dance floor, said goodbye and walked out to my car. As I drove around past the entrance of the bar, I saw her walk out to her car. I made a loop around the bar and came back and pulled up right beside her and rolled down the window. As she leaned in to talk to me, I said “I just have to ask you something - are you single?"She laughed and said, “Not really” I said, “Well, I just had to ask.” She thanked me for all the dances and I drove off –

Just as well - I didn’t get to see what shape her car was in anyway! ;-)

Wednesday's journal

It is pouring rain today and I sit in my office staring out the window. I have my space heater on and my xm radio signal is going in and out of reception. I do not fix it because it’s not bothering me that much for some reason.

I knew it was going to rain today. I looked at the forecast online yesterday because lately the rain really makes my mood spiral downward. I need that forecast to prepare myself.

When my alarm went off this morning I slapped the snooze several times and burrowed into my electric blanket deeper. I could hear the rain beating on the windows above my head. I did not want to get up. I wished I could have laid there all day listening to the rain and not having to get up and get out into it. (This lethargicness is so unlike me)

I have a carport so I do not get drenched when I get into my car. I pulled out and as the rain hit the windshield I turned on the wipers. I am driving the boring truck that needs to be cleaned. The beemer, like myself, does not do rain very well.

I am bored at work today. A co-worker’s son is here because they are re-roofing their house. He is sitting right outside my office squeaking his chair. That over the xm fading in and out is getting on my nerves more. I want to leave but there is nowhere to go. I do not have to be anywhere until 6:00 which is my kickboxing class.

I forgot my bag with my workout clothes in it today – I was so focused on the rain and getting my laptop that I forgot that. I desperately need to go to class tonight so I go to Sports Authority at lunch to pick up something to wear to class. (Don’t ask me how and why my boxing gloves managed to make it into the car.)

I called my friend, S1 to vent about another friend. This friend I vented about knows I just had a breakup and has invited me to have Thanksgiving with her and new gf (that she’s been with less than a year and just bought a house with – typical “lesbian moving van syndrome”). As it turned out – she wanted me to come so I could help move her new gf into the new house. So, I am saying to S1 – who is my very best friend in the whole wide world – “I am throwing my fucking cape away! I am sick and tired of being a super hero!”

Why – when I am the one that just experienced a break up and having rain days like this and trying to cheer myself up - that no one seems to acknowledge that? I get asked to help move. Who the fuck is helping me move? I mean, not that I’m moving or anything but recently I had to beg to just get a ride back from the BMW dealership for key-rist-sakes and I’m being asked to help move at a Thanksgiving that I would have driven 4 hours to get to? I’m surprised I didn’t get asked to cook the meal, too. Which I did last year for [ex]gf who was sick and couldn’t eat anything. –Sigh -

Needless to say, I politely refused the Thanksgiving offer. I think I’ll go help serve food at the homeless shelter. At least they appreciate the food and the help and need it more than anyone in my life does!

Days like this I just want to disapear and be inaccessible.

I look forward to class tonight because there is nothing else to.
I look forward to meeting my friend out for a drink tomorrow night and going out to the country bar. Maybe “Tall drink of Water” will be there. (more on that later)

Deal Breakers

Maggie brought up an interesting point of deal breakers. Not only is a list of dream qualities important, deal breakers are just as important and sticking to them. (Be strong, ladies!) Here are mine:

1. Having kids or has kids (unless they are in college or old enough that constant parental attention is not required) is a deal breaker for me. If new gf said after 6 months “Hey, I want to have a baby” picture Road Runner on Bugs Bunny and Friends taking off in a cloud of dust – that would be me.

2. Allergic to my cats.

3. Drugs – cannot be dependent on them.

4. Same goes with alcohol – has a few drinks but not every night goes through a bottle of wine or bourbon!

5. Ex husband, GF or even a domineering mother in the picture.

6. Not out to her family – I’m too old to be in the closet with my gf and her fam.

7. Not out to herself! Or comfortable with her sexuality.

8. Unemployed

9. Lives waaaaaay outside the fruit loop of Atlanta like in rednecky counties of Coweta, Butts, Forsyth, or Cumming

10. Has a bunch of dogs she has to run home to every night and we’d have to stay at her house all the time because of such. Plus, a house full of barking dogs is enough to make me run like road runner.

11. Her favorite restaurant is McDonalds or [insert name of fast food restaurant here].

12. Bible thumpers or people who try to get me to go to church with them or convert me to their religious affiliation.

What are your deal breakers?

My dream girl.......

She will not be allergic to eggs and loves to eat breakfast or brunch – especially, with me.

She will not be allergic to my cats and ask me to “cat proof” my house before she comes over. If she’s allergic to cats she’s allergic to me as I am a Leo the lion and half cat myself.

She will be in shape although, not obsessed with her body and a tad bit modest.

She will not be dependent on alcohol or drugs of any kind.

She will love to dance. Especially two-stepping, and will be a good follower – or want to learn to be a good follower.

She will want to stay out late with me on a school night.

She will love hockey but not football.

She will not be married or have an ex wife or husband in “the picture”.

She will have a big, warm family who will make me feel welcome.

She will either ride a motorcycle or have the desire to.

And, if she does ride she will want to take trips to the mountains on the weekends. Will say “Pack a bag, we’re going” even if we don’t know where.

She will love going to movies and watching movies – even if she’s seen them over and over again.

She will have a sense of humor.

She will have the desire to meet my friends and hang out. It will be important for her to get to know my friends who are my family.

She will surprise me with flowers or warm gestures – especially when she knows I have had a bad day.

She will call me during the day and make me feel that I can call her anytime.

She will allow me to do nice things for her.

She will take charge in planning every detail of a date or trip.

She will also allow me to reciprocate.

She will take charge in bed and let me take charge, too.

She will drive a clean car.

She will like her job and be career orientated.

She will like nice things.

She will be adventurous and want to explore.

She will be confident.

She will be proud to be with me as I will her.

Taking on the world and then some…..

Ok, so maybe I didn't take much of a break. (Are you relieved, r.d.?) I am back because finally, today, the sun is out!

I really needed this sun to appear. Funny how just a change in the weather raises the spirits and you feel like you can take on the world. Speaking of which…..

Ironically enough my relationship and gym membership both expired on the same day last week – can you guess what day?

On Halloween!

So, when it came to throwing down the credit card to pay for another year membership I hesitated. (ex)gf had gotten me into this gym and always made the remark that we couldn’t break up because we went to the same gym now. That it would be awkward if we ran into each, etc.

Now, don’t get me wrong – if I really wanted to go to this gym nothing would stop me – not even an ex.

But, it made me think about what it was the gym was doing for me lately. Yes, I had enjoyed P’s spin class on Saturday’s but I can’t get to them too often because of teaching and going out of town. Everything else about the gym was great but I admit I was bored with it.

So, (Claire) I went online and found a kickboxing gym and made an appointment for this past Monday. I arrived that evening after work and was greeted by some very perky women in ghi pants.

They rolled my bag onto the floor with everyone elses in the class, gave me water, gloves and said “Whatever you do, keep moving!”

I thought, “Hah! I can do this!” as I tapped my gloves together.

(Famous last words...)

Then, a blonde with a ponytail stepped to the front of the room, turned on the stereo and started saying “And, kick! And, punch! And, kick! And, punch! And, kick-punch! And,kick-punch!…….and so on until it was like “And, kickandpunchandkickandkickandpunchand – SITUPS! "And,punchandkickandpunchandkickandkickand – PUSHUPS!"

So, after about 30 minutes I really thought I was going to have to go to the side and throw-up. (Wonder if that was ok as long as I kept moving?)

But, after the workout the back of my shirt was soaked and I felt immensely better. Yeah, picturing my ex’s face on that bag throughout, I had worked out most of my angst.

I would definitely be coming back.

When it rains....it pours......

This is the theme of my week. At least the rain waited until after my motorcycle class to show itself. This week has been a dreary mess. I'm going through a break up, a close friend of mine is as well and our other friend lost her dog this week. So, until the universe rights itself, there are sunny days and happy times I am signing off for awhile. I leave you with

10 things I just don't get:

1. People who use their regular cell phone like it's a walkie-talkie or nextel. They put it to their ear to listen and then put it in front of their mouths to talk and keep doing this back and forth thing throughout the whole conversation. (I guess they never heard of bluetooth)

2. People who cannot drive in the rain. They either act like even turning their wheel is going to cause an accident or they do the opposite and still drive really fast.

3. This band and why everyone thinks they are good. I think the lead singer has the whiniest, homeliest voice I have ever heard and it's like fingernails on a chalkboard.

4. Talk radio - hello - radio is for music, not talking!

5. Talk shows - tv is for entertainment, not people talking about their problems. (I guess some people think that is entertainment but I don't)

6. Hot dogs - (ok, I can understand at a ball game or in Chicago (r.d.) - but only then!) especially the ones that are not all beef and have unidentifiable meat in them.

7. Jagermeister - just take NyQuil if you like the taste and it will help you sleep without the headache in the morning.

8. While we're on alcohol - Old Milwaukee's Best. If you're going to drink beer that bad just don't drink. It's a sobering experience drinking it anyway - so, skip the headache in the morning. (and, really, why would you want the word "old" in anything you would ingest?)

9. Restaurants that have the words "old", "country" or "buffet" in the name and people who seek out these places.

10. People who call the mini spare tire on a car a "donut". It's not a donut like Krispy Kreme or Dunkin' Donuts - it's just a tire, people! Don't get my hopes up talking donuts, here.....

Breaking Up

Mandy's last post really smacked home for me. After reading it, I felt like I was that woman in the movie she was talking about.

Now I don’t want to air my personal life online but…..well, it is my blog and I should be able to do anything I want, say anything I want, right? (within reason, of course)

Ok, here goes – I am in the middle of a break-up right now. And, I think I’m going crazy. Or have become an asshole. Or AM an asshole. Because that’s how I feel.

Like I said above – I feel/felt like that woman in the movie. My relationship was just that – I felt like I gave and gave and gave and in the end had nothing left over for myself.

Breakups are never easy. (It sounds like a bad song, doesn't it? - here's a site that has 250 of the best breakup songs)

The arguing, tears, and heartache can go on and on. It is so exhausting that sometimes one looses their grip on reality or whether this breaking up thing was even a good idea in the first place. Especially, if you are the one breaking up.

The one being left will talk, argue, plead and then get angry when none of it works. Or they will say you hurt them so much and they never did anything to deserve this – in short, lather on the guilt until you feel like the biggest asshole in the world. Then, they will say everything they know you want to hear and promise to change and that things will be better in the future. If you are at the point of insanity and exhaustion often times this is where you will cave and give in, throw in the towel and say “Ok, I forgive you” or something to the extent of getting back together. Then, you’ll go have make-up sex and dinner and everything is ok again until……

…..a month later or

…..3 months later or

…..even, 6 months later.

Then, you’re back to where you started and so the cycle keeps going until somehow you are able to break it.

“Insanity is when you keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.”

Anyone who has ever broken up and gotten back together knows this from experience. I am in my insanity phase of this. And, I am hoping that I can do this, this time. I applaud the woman in the movie for finally leaving.

10 tips for breaking up